Acutely, Keenly, Intensely Me

 Hello 

Yeah, you, random internet stranger. Welcome to my tiny little corner of the huge, wide internet. I'm not sure how you managed to stumble across this, but you're here, so I feel I should at the very least be polite and introduce myself.

Let's see, here are the basics. 

My name is Felicia. I'm currently ...doing math, hold on... a 42-year-old wife and mother. I was born in Texas, raised in Louisiana (spent most my life there), and am currently residing in the hometown of the number one Fortune 500 company.  I have one adoring husband, two daughters, and one giggly butt granddaughter.  I have a ton of likes and almost as many dislikes. Here are three of each. 

Likes

• reading
• cooking
• fuzzy socks

Dislikes

• spiders
• 4-wheelers/ATVS
• romantasy 

I haven't written in ages. I had a blog a long time ago, Life Behind The Red Door or something like that. It was your typical new mom blog. Me trying to find myself in the world as a stay-at-home mom, wife, and homemaker. It's now 10-12 years later, and I think I've finally found myself. 

I'm no longer chasing the dream of living like my grandma and am instead living that dream daily. Life isn't always perfect but it is mine and I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

I've learned a lot over the last decade.  I learned I love cooking, especially from scratch, but that I'm also okay with getting takeout when I'm overwhelmed. I learned I love to take care of my husband and that being a submissive housewife doesn't mean I'm a doormat (or that our lives need to be full of kink 24/7 lol). 

I've learned I wasn't just suffering from depression for years, but that I'm bipolar and also have ADHD. I've gotten professional help and have learned to love and accept myself for the crazy* person I am. 

I've learned it's okay to read eight books in a month, and it's also okay to barely finish one. I've learned it's okay to float from hobby to hobby, I always circle back round anyways. 

Most importantly I've learned to feel comfortable not just in my appearance  (hello grays and crepe skin) but also in my own self. In using my voice in the way I want to. In those early years of writing, I was so worried about readers and being seen as 'cool' or 'likable'. I worried people who were acquainted with me would somehow find my words and be shocked. 

I'm 42 now, and all I have to say to that is fuck it. I'm a spastic, erratic, weird person, and I love being me.  Acutely so. 

I love that word, acutely. One, it has cute in it, and I am cute (my husband says so!), but it means in an acute manner, to be keen or intense. 

That's me in a nutshell. 

Intense. 

Acutely myself. 

So welcome, dear stranger. I have no idea what the future holds, but I do know it'll be authentically me.

*crazy---so I know I'm not crazy, but sometimes the mania can make me feel that way. It's just a way for me to help poke fun at myself and relieve some of the stress I feel when my mania and anxiety hit.